


Shattering

by Eggscalibur0901



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drabble, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt!Merlin, I’m sorry for this angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Tgc killed me, hurt!eggsy, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 18:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16123949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggscalibur0901/pseuds/Eggscalibur0901
Summary: "You're the best, bruv', without you I'd have lost it a long time ago"Eggsy said drunkenly in the aftermath of Poppy's attack on Kingsman. So what could he have meant by those words?Watched the tgc again and cried at this sentence and in general... because of you know...A dystopian AU drabble that is kinda canonical to TGC. Just a drabble.Please if it triggers you in any way, do not read!





	Shattering

**Author's Note:**

> This shall be your last warning. It is pure against. Nothing more nothing less.

“ _You’re the best, bruv’, without you I’d have lost it a long time ago”_

Words that were uttered out of a drunken stupor. And everyone knows the saying that 'a drunk mind speaks a sober heart'.

 

As long as Eggsy could remember, he was never whole. Not after his father's death. Not after Dean's entrance into their lives.

 

 

But then Eggsy lost so much on V-day, his friends, his mother and lil' Daisy... Harry... Eggsy wanted to end it. He welcomed Death. In fact he wanted to embrace it.

 

He did his part, avenged those he lost by having a dramatic showdown with the prosthetic leg blade-girl and driving her prosthetic leg into the megalomaniacs breast.

 

He had done it with Merlin's help. Well, Merlin saved his ass with activating the implants. But after the short-lived victory reality crashed like a bullet into his brain. He laughed hollowly at his morbid humour. It was just that. Laughing or breaking down. So he embraced the former.

He knew Harry had died, had seen it. But shortly after he'd receive a message from Roxy that his family died as well. Not by the actual V-day, but because of the fucking aftermath.

 

Daisy was killed by the rage, mom after regaining senses realized what she'd done and butchered herself with the same weapon she killed Daisy with. Shakespeare'd say tragic, but poetic justice.

 

He wanted to scream himself raw, but instead swaggered back to the plan, a mask of false bravado firmly in place.

But Merlin knew. He understood. And he was not overbearing, he said nothing, just hugged the younger man, squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. After what seemed an eternity, he broke off the embrace.

 

"Let's go pick up Roxy, lad."

 

And off they went.

Merlin became his source of strength.Naturally Roxy and the few remaining Kingsman too, but they did not fully understand the fear, the guilt, the shame. Merlin did. Together they killed a big, very big portion of the world's population and its leading heads.

 

Eggsy assumed the mask of a perfect Harry Hart replica. He threw himself into mission after mission, because he could not afford to rest, to think. Because if he stopped, then he would stop completely. So the young man coped with reckless missions and watching over the other remaining people he held dear. He'd watch over Merlin, so that the stubborn Scott would not work himself to death. Had 'bro nights' with Rox' and his other colleagues, to distract himself. To alleviate the pain.

 

But after one too many times, in which Eggsy nearly lost his life, Merlin took him aside and smacked some sense into him.

 

"You ain't Harry lad."

These words were like a slap into his face.

"Of course I'm not, Merlin... I"

 

"Then why do you wear that ridiculous mask? When you smile, it's only Harry's smile. When you fight, it's Galahad's style. When you talk, those are his pronunciation, his words and opinions. You'll never be like him."

 

Anger overtook him

"Don't ya think that, I do not know myself?! Do you-"

 

"You do not need to be like him because you are your own man. You do not have to feel guilty. For anything. Harry knew that there was always the possibility that any mission could be his last. You do not have to feel sorry that you took his place, because he would have wanted it and you definitely deserve it. " He paused.

"...V-day. You did all you could. _We_ did everything in our power. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault."

 

These words shattered his mask, his false smugness. Tears welled down his eyes. He choked on a sob.

Merlin understood. Because he felt the same.

 

"Thanks, Merlin. You're the gov'ner. I... you too yeah?"

 

Merlin tousled Eggsy's hair.

"Aye, lad." Merlin's eyes told him everything he needed to know.

 

Eggsy then grumbled in mock anger.

"Oi, how old d'you think I am? 4?! Don't treat me like a kid!"

 

Merlin broke into laughter that Eggsy soon joined in.

 

So they took the remains and built everything up again. Piece by piece.

 

-x.-

 

 

And Eggsy shatters. The short bond he had with Harry shattered him. The death of his family destroyed him.

Merlin's death killed him. Kills him. Will kill him.

He lost all footing. Harry could not replace Merlin's place. Together they lived through so much, that no one could really understand. Not even Harry.

And besides, Harry'd be alright. He could start anew, because even if he remembers everything, his injury put a distance between his old memories. For Harry it was like a movie. Nothing too personal. Also, he would not be alone...

 

Poppy did not take into account that most agents had safety bunkers installed in their homes and were only incapacitated after the bombings, not killed. Harry also had the Statesman. Percival and Roxy were alive. But not Merlin.

 

Merlin took Eggsy's place and blew himself up. With the mine that was meant for Eggsy. And Merlin's demise shattered Eggsy's last remains of his sanity.

 

The damn song playing over and over in his head like a broken record.

 

 _‘Take me home...’_  

 

 

He pulled the trigger.

 

 

It was over.

 

 

 

 

 

.


End file.
